I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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