mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
