I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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