she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
