Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
