One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
