are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
