I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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