Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
