i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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