My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
