Kiss
Puke
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
