I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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