it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
