The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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