Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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