i already hear my dad disowning me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you made out with another girl for some wings
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
