i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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