i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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