Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
did i just pee glitter
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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