You smell like stripper and shame
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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