He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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