no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
