You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
