Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
