FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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