Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
