I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
