Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
