Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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