One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
