well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
