The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
