I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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