Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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