Welp...herpes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
