hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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