It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i drank out of a bidet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
