So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
