i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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