i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
