he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
