Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
