sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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