Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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