So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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