When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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