my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
