I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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