she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
