Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
